Sorry about the delay!

1/18/11

We left Belfast and it broke my heart. I really feel connected to that city and to leave it was like leaving part of me behind. At first, leaving was just surreal but once we got on the bus and started driving, the waterworks started. I absolutely love Belfast, and I hope with all my heart I have a chance to spend a lot more time there just taking everything in and tracking down family landmarks. It’s wonderful to have this opportunity, and to study the conflict of my grandma’s home city is such an amazing experience for me. Learning all of this is tearing me apart, because I just feel so powerless to help.

Once we left Belfast, we headed up to Derry/Londonderry, which was really hard. In Derry we took a tour with John McCourt, who was involved in Bloody Sunday as a protester. He was amazing, the way he described everything was really difficult. He started off our tour by walking on one of the city’s walls and telling us a little bit about the history of Derry. Then he told us, “I’m going to show you what 18 minutes is like in the real world”, and then he walked us through every death, every minute of the Bloody Sunday massacre. It was gut wrenching to hear it in such vivid detail; nothing could have prepared me for that. He had pictures that had been taken at the scene while the massacre was going on and in one of the pictures were him and a friend of his from school. Just a minute after the picture was taken, his friend was shot and killed by a British soldier. Every once in a while, he would point to a patch of ground that we were walking over and tell us that someone had died in that very spot. That absolutely ripped my heart out. I found myself taking sides in the conflict even though I really have no stake in it whatsoever. It was so frustrating to stand there and listen to the events of such an atrocity and not be able to do anything to help in the healing of the community. I was (and still am) so torn between knowing that as a Christian I’m called to love everyone, and really wanting to hate the British for what they did. It’s so difficult to let my faith win out in a conflict like that, and hopefully I’ll be able to process some of that and put it into action while we’re at Corrymeela.

After the tour, we went to see the Bogside Artists (a group of 3 men who design and paint murals around the world). The Bogside was the area where the massacre happened, and it’s a really strongly Catholic, republican area. Jon, the artist that we met, told us a little history of the area to supplement John McCourt’s, and then told us about a bunch of the murals in the area. They’re really talented, and the murals they do now are ones that promote peace instead of hate and division. I thought that was a really interesting idea. Apparently the citizens of Derry are really supportive of the murals, and the Bogside Artists are completely funded by the public. The idea of using art as a form of reconciliation was really thought provoking to me because I had never heard of it being used like that before. I guess when it’s an area as divided as Derry/Londonderry, people can use anything and everything to promote reconciliation. I also see how people can use anything to perpetuate the division too, though. There is the peace mural in Derry, and that really got to me, but then there are murals and graffiti all over the place supporting the IRA, and the iconic “You Are Now Entering Free Derry” mural. There is obviously still a lot of hate existing in Derry and there will need to be a lot of healing, and hopefully God will use people like John McCourt and the Bogside Artists to bring about that healing.

After seeing the Bogside, we went to Corrymeela and had a little bit of free time. I ended up watching a few movies with some people and then we just went to bed. It was a really long and emotionally draining day, and I really don’t think I’m recovered from it even now. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from such horrifying imagery, and actually, I don’t know if I should. Some things you just need to know. Today was hard for such a number of reasons, not the least of which is my futile attempt to figure out what, if anything, people can do to make the hate and pain go away, or even just lessen.

1/19/11

Today, we had a lot of discussion. The first session was basically an introduction for all of us where we went around and said what so far has had the biggest impact on us as well as what a good outcome would be from our time here. My answer for the first question was the peace walls. To me, they just embodied such an unspeakable sadness, and I just felt overwhelmed by how much hate and fear and mistrust was built up in this country. As for the second question, my ideal outcome would be to take this experience and somehow apply it to how I use my political science major back home. Hopefully this has given me a decent understanding of seemingly unsolvable conflict and I can take what I learn back home to try to fix conflicts there.

The second session was a discussion of perspective and what shapes our perspective of our situation. We brainstormed about what some of the influencing factors were that informed the perspective of people living in Northern Ireland and came up with a huge list ranging from their physical environment and what they see every day to the way they were raised and what church they go to. It was really interesting to put that much thought into what happens here that perpetuates the conflict. I enjoyed talking about it, but it also kind of put me on edge trying to look at these factors in a way in which I can try to do something about them, which I clearly can’t. It’s so frustrating being here and seeing so much hurt and hate and not being able to do anything about it.

For the third session, Jeremy (our leader for our time at Corrymeela) told us his story of growing up in Northern Ireland. He was born of a mixed marriage (his mom was Catholic, his dad Protestant), and because of his parents’ choice to raise him Protestant he has Catholic family that he still doesn’t know. In his work as a Presbyterian minister, he had the opportunity to meet with 2 of the leaders of the UDA (Ulster Defense Association – a militant unionist group) to talk about why he was open to working with members of the Catholic community as well as the Protestant community. Through those talks, he was able to get the UDA to have talks with the Catholic Church for about 18 months. His story was really intense, and it just proved to me that no matter how much of a lost cause something appears to be, a new or unexpected outcome can always come about. His talk was really uplifting to me because I had just been in such a low state after hearing John talk about Bloody Sunday and seeing the peace walls.

Today was really emotionally heavy, but really refreshing at the same time. I really enjoyed hearing Jeremy speak and I’m so glad we had this opportunity.

1/20/11

Today was so awesome! We went to Giant’s Causeway this morning and it was GORGEOUS. We walked down by the stones and I think I got some pretty good shots (even though I didn’t have my Nikon with me L). It was really awe-inspiring, being so small against those gigantic cliffs, and then the contrast of being so tall after climbing them. It was just completely amazing…and freezing cold! The stones were SO SLIPPERY because there was still frost on the ground. Honestly, I’m surprised there were no injuries! It was really difficult climbing up the Causeway stones, but it was totally worth it. It just made me think about the absolute majesty of creation and the Creator. In a place like that, I really don’t think it’s possible not believe in God. It was absolutely breathtaking; there’s no way any caliber of photographer could capture the feeling of awe you get when you stand there surrounded by these magnificent cliffs, breathe in the ocean air and look at the amazing rock formations that look like they’ve been carved out by some master artist.

After Giant’s Causeway, we came back to Corrymeela and had lunch and a little bit of free time (I took a nap – it was wonderful!). We had another session with Jeremy, only this time it was arts and crafts (yep…I did arts and crafts). The assignment was to create something that represented how the trip so far has impacted us (not open-ended at all, right?). I made a collage that looked like a third-grader could have made it, basically just made up of my concept of the conflict. On one side, there were words that, in my opinion, seemed to embody some of the (very broad) reasons for the conflict. On the other were words that represented what peace and reconciliation would look like, and in the middle there were words that made up reasons why there is a wall between the two sides. After we made our “art”, everyone presented theirs to the class…I’m not a fan of presentations, but it actually went pretty well.

Then we had dinner and hung out for a little bit before a bunch of us went to a little discussion thing about the role of violence in movies…it was interesting. One of the girls there reminded me a lot of a girl that I went to St. Kate’s with…I’ll go ahead and leave it at that, haha! I didn’t contribute much, in an effort to not start something no one would want to see finished.

Now I’m just sitting in the dining room writing this and listening to music. I figured I’d put my time in for the day! I think tonight is probably going to be an early night, it’s only 10 now and it seems like people are winding down. We leave here tomorrow to head back to Dublin with a stop in Belfast (BELFAST!!!!!) for lunch. It will only be like 2 hours, but I’ll take whatever I can get in my soul-city! I love that place more than I can say. Now, I think I’ll have some hot chocolate and read, so I’ll post this all tomorrow when we get to Dublin along with an update for tomorrow!

1/21/11

Today I was shocked speechless by the beauty of an Irish sunset. I was sitting on the bus from Belfast to Dublin, and I looked up from my book out the window and all I saw was absolute majesty in the sky. I looked out the window and was greeted by a riot of color. By the horizon, it was a deep red-orange, and that tinted the horizontal clouds to a color that could almost be described as salmon pink. Between the clouds, I could see the dusky-blue sky, and the trail from an airplane made a discordant line through the clouds. It was breathtakingly beautiful, I couldn’t look away until the sun was fully down. I was thinking after I saw that, “How can a place with sunsets that beautiful have so much hatred and fear?” It breaks my heart every time I think about it. This class has been a huge blessing, but it has also been so painful because I see for the first time in my adult life what horrible things people are capable of doing in cold blood. I love this country, and it’s so hard for me to think of how much hatred can be contained in a place with fewer people than Minnesota. That said, I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

Today started off in Corrymeela. We packed up and left at about 10 this morning, and we took a bus to Belfast so we could eat lunch and switch to a bus bound for Dublin. I was able to visit Lavery’s one last time! I’m so excited that I could see that place.

Now you can too! Here's Lavery's:

After Lavery’s, we went to the bus station and headed back to Dublin. It was during that ride that I saw the amazing sunset. Needless to say, my mind didn’t switch out of overdrive until we got back to the hostel. We’re back at Jacobs Inn, where we stayed at the beginning of the trip. We had a little bit of dinner and then a few of us went out to the Temple Bar to hear some music. It would have been good if they hadn’t played Sweet Home Alabama 6 times.

Thinking back on the time at Corrymeela, I’m amazed at how much processing I did. It was a blessing to be able to take that time to think things over. I’m still trying to figure out why I’m here – what am I supposed to be thinking? I’m here to learn about the conflict, but I never expected it to affect me so deeply. Everything I learn goes straight to my heart, and it’s so hard to stay calm when I hear about atrocities being committed and the hate being perpetuated. I love this country and it hurts that there are such deep divisions here.

Hopefully I’ll continue to process throughout this week and after I get home and come to some conclusions about what is actually going on and what my role is supposed to be in it.

I'll post for today once I'm back at the hostel for the night!

Love,
Amanda